so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
