I accidentally burped into my bong.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize