I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
