I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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