somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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