I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
