My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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