i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
