Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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