seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
