Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
