i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
