I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
