Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
