dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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