It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
