im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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