Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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