Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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