I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
