why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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