Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
