So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize