The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
