Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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