I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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