I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
