This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
