Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
