In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
third nipple confirmed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
