when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
