There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
