so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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