I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
