Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
