Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
