I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
