Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I smell stomach acid.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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