Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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