She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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