I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
