shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
