You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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