Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
