Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
