Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
