Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
