There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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