take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
