Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
