You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize