and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
