At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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