I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
