i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize