Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is the high leading the old right now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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