but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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