I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
