My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
