All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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