i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
