im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
