I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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