did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
