dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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