do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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