Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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