You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
