I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize