Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
