Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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