WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
