In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
