I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
