seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
